OSW // ISSUE #004
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M GOING FROM SAVING THE WORLD TO FIGHTING A ZOOPHILE!
THAT’S A PERSON WHO FUCKS ANIMALS.
SOMEONE BETTER TELL MILDRED TO WATCH HER BACK…
LOOK, YOUR MASK IS ACTUALLY PRETTY RAD. I DIG THE HORNS BUT HOW COME YOU DON’T STAB ANYONE WITH THEM?
IT’D BE LIKE HAVING A COCK AND BALLS BUT USING NEITHER AND REMAINING A VIRGIN FOREVER - LIKE PIXELSHIT!
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOUR GEAR THOUGH?
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE WRESTLING IN YOUR MOM’S CURTAINS!
I WRESTLED HER CURTAINS LAST NIGHT - HER BEEF CURTAINS!
HAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!
SO, YOU LIKE, DIED IN AN ARENA, FIGHTING A BULL?
ONE OF THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKING ANIMALS AROUND KILLED YOUR DUMB ASS??
YOU HAD ONE JOB, DUDE!
ALL YOU NEEDED TO DO WAS WAVE YOUR LITTLE RED HANDKERCHIEF… THEN MOVE.
DID YOU GET CONFUSED TRYING TO REMEMBER ALL THOSE STEPS??
ONLY SOMEONE AS LAME AS YOU COULD DIE TO ITS HORNS; MY SHLONG IS BIGGER THAN THOSE FUCKING TOOTHPICKS!
OK, WE’VE COVERED YOUR MOM’S PUSSYLIPS—SOMETHING SHE OUGHTA TRY DOING—YOUR SHITTY GEAR, AND YOUR SHITTIER DEATH.
WHEN YOU SAY YOUR SOUL FUSED WITH THE BULL’S, ARE YOU TRYING TO BE ALL DEEP AND SPIRITUAL, WHEN YOU ACTUALLY JUST FUCKED A BULL??
DID IT THROW THAT SHIT BACK, OR DID IT BUCK YOU OFF LIKE A FAT CHICK ON A MECHANICAL BULL!?
DYING TO A ROBOT BULL SURROUNDED BY DRUNK HICKS IN A REDNECK BAR WOULD STILL BE BETTER THAN DYING IN A DUSTY ARENA WHERE THE DOZEN PEASANTS WATCHING ALL HAD SAND IN THEIR ASSHOLES, LIKE YOU MANAGED TO.
I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT YOU RAPED A BULL. I MEAN, DID YOU SEE WHAT IT WAS WEARING!? IT WAS ASKING FOR IT!
I’M MORE CONCERNED THAT YOU’RE COLLECTING THE SOULS OF THOSE YOU FACE.
WAIT - WE ARE TALKING SOULS, AS IN THE SPIRITUAL ESSENCE OF A HUMAN BEING, RIGHT?
OR ARE YOU SUCH A DEGENERATE FREAK THAT YOU’RE ALSO A FUCKING FOOT FETISHIST WHO COLLECTS SHOE SOLES??
IF SO, I WILL HAPPILY GIVE YOU MY BOOTS IF IT MEANS YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY TOES!
ACTUALLY, MY SOUL SHOULD BE SAFE ANYWAY. KNOW WHY?
COS YOU DON’T WANT THIS BLACKENED, WITHERED, DRIED-OUT DOG TURD OF A SOUL!
THE THINGS I HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE IN 40,000AD… HELL, I DIDN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THEM.
SOMETIMES I DID THEM FOR FUN!
I LOST MY HUMANITY A LONG TIME AGO. MY SPIRITUAL ESSENCE LOOKS MORE LIKE THE GLOWING RADIOACTIVE GOOP THAT PERMEATES EVERYTHING IN THE FUTURE.
HARVEST MY SOUL, AND IT’LL TAINT YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION!
MY SOUL IS CLOSER ON THE TOTEM POLE TO THAT OF THE WILD BEAST THAT YOU KNOCKED UP–
EXCEPT I’M BIGGER, BADDER, AND HORNIER!
YOU WON’T NEED TO WAVE YOUR PRETTY RED PANTIES IN MY FACE AT TURBO.
I’LL BE SNORTING AND STOMPING THE HALLOWED GROUNDS OF THE TEMPLE THE SECOND I LAY EYES ON YOU.
YOU CAN PRANCE AROUND, BUT I WON’T BE LURED OR TRICKED, AND I WILL NEVER TIRE.
WHIP OUT THAT LITTLE BUTTER KNIFE OF YOURS, AND I’LL USE IT TO CASTRATE YOUR BESTIALITY ASS, SANTA DEL ZORRO!
THIS… IS… WAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!