MILDRED

Mildred, despite having the name of an elderly woman, has all of the irritating vernacular and tendencies of a Gen Z’er. This almost led to him being fired multiple times by the old widow, but much like his wrestling ability, he was skilled enough at his craft to be tolerable. Hormone-driven, will hit on any woman he thinks he has a marginal shot with (which he thinks is most.) He rarely does have an actual shot with them, unless they are weirdos too.

Recently, there was an old widow with a high net worth and no one to share it with aside from her ungrateful brat children and grandchildren. However, when it came down to sucking up toward the end of her life, they were laying in wait to make up for years of lost time. As a nod to their too little too late efforts, the old woman ultimately changed her will to leave her entire estate to her beloved cat: the only thing in her life that showed her constant love and affection after her husband kicked the bucket.

When it was time for the reading of the will, the cat was nowhere to be found. In their place? A luchadore who referred to himself as Mildred. Was it a coincidence that it happened to be the name of the cat she mentioned specifically in her last wishes? However he came about knowing this information, he was also ready to “prove” his lineage by going into specific detail about his times with the old woman, mostly with heartwarming tales about curling up with her next to a roaring fire and recalling the various sharp-witted insults she used to dunk on her children and grandchildren.

As the actual cat were unable to be located, the contingent heir to her estate was actually her nursing assistant, Pablo. However, just after giving her the final bunion rub she’d ever have on her deathbed, he may have “accidentally” let the cat out to scamper away. Pablo was terrified that he would be in big trouble if she found out about it, and decided that it would be very logical and very reasonable if he just pretended that he was the old woman’s cat this whole time. After all, she was in late stage dementia and always accused him of stealing things from her when he never did except once or three times. Shortly thereafter, the old lady bought the farm. And who would have thought? When it came time to probate the will, his plan worked! He got a massive inheritance and was now amongst the elite at a young age.

(Even though he believed the plan worked, the judge knew it was Pablo pretending to be Mildred the whole time. But, this was a fun judge who played along with it anyway and thought it might be a good way to teach him a lesson, forcing him to pretend to be a cat forever in order to “prove” he was really Mildred.)

Since he had already bought the elaborate mask with the money he may or may not have gotten by pawning some of the old woman’s jewelry while she was still alive, Mildred then made the obvious pivot to become a professional wrestler. Strange that once you become really rich your next thought is “why don’t I flaunt my lifestyle and my cat moniker by hitting the road and taking dangerous bumps the rest of my life for little or no fame or pay” but here we are. This is way more believable than the fact that he was always an established luchador and he just made up this entire elaborate backstory for no reason.