Signal: “The time has arrived, ladies and gentlemen, for your main event of the night: seven combatants do battle for the recently vacated Gift of the Gods Championship!”
Black Scar: “I may not like Pixelshift—especially if what Mars says about him causing the damn apocalypse is true—but he set the bar as inaugural champ, no doubt about it!”
Signal: “That he did. Five successful defences under his belt, earning a World Championship match at Ring King. Will the new Gift of the Gods Champion, crowned in this match, follow in his footsteps!?”
Black Scar: “Imagine if we go full circle and the new Champion challenges Pixelshift himself for the World title!”
[The Ruleador barely contains all 7 hungry competitors. Having negotiated a fragile peace, he seizes a narrow window to call for the bell—]
[DING, DING, DING!]
[Nox & a fatigued Ziggy make a beeline for Deadeye.]
Black Scar: “Eurgh, look at these Hills Have Eyes weirdos - it’s like they’re part of a hivemind!”
[The gunslinger is ready for them, however, and deftly avoids their tandem offence, firing back with right hands!]
Signal: “I hope Deadeye was able to tell Marvolo what the Family did. I know he has to be rattled, and he may not make it out of this match!”
Black Scar: “I’d be more scared of the Family going after him!”
Signal: “Smiley said he wanted Deadeye to win, so that he could take the title, so we may see a clean match…”
[Across the ring…]
[Glitter & Silas standoff from Darkwish and Cadillac Callejero.]
Signal: “These two competitors strike me as different sides of the same coin; two men who want to restore order to the chaos around them, and who command respect.”
Black Scar: “Is that why Silas learned guitar?”
Signal: “No, not - nevermind…”
[They lock horns!]
[Darkwish and Glitter jockey for position, whilst Silas and Callejero exchange blows.]
Signal: “Glitter and Darkwish right around the same on the scales, folks, but the Sinful One has half a foot on him—”
[Sure enough, Glitter gives Darkwish the reach-around (!) with their longer limbs, and shitcans him through the ropes.]
[The hedonist joins his stablemate, Silas, against Cadillac, who doesn’t back down!]
Signal: “Deadeye and Callejero both fighting against all odds, fending off dual attackers!”
[The two bump into each other. They spin round, fists raised, but hesitate…]
[With a nod, they link hands and turn back—]
[DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO ZIGGY AND NOX!]
Black Scar: “The Family tree just got cut down!”
[Before they can pull a 180, though—]
[Glitter & Silas nail them from behind!]
[… No, not like that!]
Signal: “The numbers game is catching up with Cadillac and Deadeye!”
[As they cover up from Silas and Glitter, however…]
[Darkwish reappears!]
[Grabbing hold of their heads, he pulls them apart, then smashes them together like coconuts!]
[Thud!]
Black Scar: “That was a real meeting of minds, Siggy!”
[Glitter and Silas roll under the ropes and drop to the floor.]
[Deadeye and Callejero get to their feet, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Darkwish…]
[They then turn to face each other in a three-way dance!]
Signal: “Alliances are fleeting when there’s gold to be won, ladies and gentlemen!”
[The vigilante inflicts some SCARS OF JUSTICE—]
Signal: “Cadillac BLOCKS the Mandible Claw!”
[The East L.A. resident pulls Darkwish into a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!]
Crowd: “Uno!”
[Deadeye’s trigger finger itches as Callejero rolls through…]
[NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!]
Crowd: “Dos!”
[Cadillac doesn’t break his grip—]
[NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!]
Crowd: “Tres!”
Black Scar: “That’s the THREE-WHEEL MOTION!”
[Callejero bridges it, and the Ruleador slides into a count.]
[ONE!]
[…]
[TWO!!]
[…]
[Deadeye kicks him in the gut to break it up!]
[The Last Desperado backs up as Cadillac rolls onto his front and tries to get up…]
[CURB STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!]
Signal: “REVELRY, REVELRY! Will there be revelry if we crown a new Champion!?”
[Deadeye pins him…]
[ONE!]
[…]
[TWO!!]
[…]
[ZIGGY PULLS DEADEYE OUTTA THE RING!]
Black Scar: “Thank god! You know, I always liked Ziggy Robbins!”
[The Tombstone native straightens up, ready for a ringside brawl with a tired-looking El Motivador!]
[Nox Bellator darts past his fellow Family member, who gets into it with the cowboy.]
[The Warrior of Darkness covers the still-downed Callejero—]
[ONE!]
[…]
[TWO!!]
[…]
[SILAS MAKES THE SAVE!]
[The Sorrow grabs hold of Nox, but as he does so—]
[CROSSFACE CHICKEN WING!]
Signal: “Darkwish traps Silas in KIRBY’S KAOS! He’s got him stranded in the middle of the ring!”
Crowd: “TAP, TAP, TAP!”
Black Scar: “I’m not sure he can make Silas tap out, Sig! The man’s entire life has been one long, painful squeeze!”
[Before that theory can be tested, however, Nox Bellator reanimates behind Darkwish!]
Signal: “It’s one decision to a finish, folks; Nox can’t gamble that Silas won’t tap!”
Black Scar: “He’s grabbing the arm of Darkwish - looking to get that Fujitsu Armbar!”
Signal: “You mean the Fujiwara Armbar!?”
[As Darkwish struggles with Bellator, Deadeye—having bested the struggling Ziggy—swaggers back in!]
[Darkwish releases Silas, who slumps into the corner. He wrestles for control of his own arm with Nox—]
[Deadeye blasts the corrupted luchador, stumbling him. He and Darkwish line him up…]
Black Scar: “DOUBLE FREAKIN’ V-TRIGGER, SIGGY!”
Signal: “I think we can christen that the RIDE WITH ME AT DAWN combo!”
[A KO’d Bellator hits the deck.]
[Missing a beat, Ziggy Robbins rolls back in. Something is… Off.]
Signal: “Ziggy hasn’t looked right this whole match, Scar. He looks like he’s wrestling himself!”
[He sizes up Deadeye & Darkwish - but a revitalised Cadillac takes their attention!]
[Silas, meanwhile, pounces on Ziggy!]
[The Sound of Sadness forces the usually upbeat Ziggy into a macabre Waltz around the ring!]
Black Scar: “I ain’t no dancer, but I know what step comes next!”
[Silas transitions into a front Russian leg sweep!]
Signal: “He plants Ziggy with the MISERY BUSINESS!”
[He rolls him over, and the Ruleador cartwheels into the count!]
[ONE!]
[…]
[TWO!!]
[…]
[GLITTER BREAKS IT UP!]
Black Scar: “Uh-oh, this could be hurt-feelings time!”
[Indeed, Silas gets to his feet and holds his arms up, mouthing, “why!?”]
Signal: “Glitter is trying to smooth it over with their stablemate. You have to think Dolly is watching this backstage!”
[SILAS SWIPES AT GLITTER—]
[The Man of 1,000 Positions blocks it, however, and spins him round…]
[BAAALLSPLEEEEX!]
Black Scar: “ORGASM BUTTON to Silas! Maybe the miserable bastard will brighten up a little now he’s had some release!?”
[Glitter crawls into a pin.]
[ONE!]
…
Cadillac Callejero: “FOR THE HOMIES!”
Signal: “Wait—!”
[TWO!!]
[…]
[THR—ROLLING THUNDER LEG DROP!]
Black Scar: “Cadillac Callejero breaks it up FOR THE HOMIES!”
[East Los Royalty yanks Glitter up, then tosses them over the ropes!]
Signal: “The high-rollin’ lowrider is gathering steam, Scar!”
Black Scar: “But he don’t see Deadeye puttin’ one in the chamber right behind him!”
[Callejero turns round—]
[SUPERMAN PUUUNCH!]
[HE DUCKS—]
[DEADEYE CLOCKS DARKWISH!]
Signal: “That’s his BOOMSTICK!”
[Darkwish goes down like a bag of bricks. Deadeye shrugs and turns back—]
[SPRINGBOARD TORNADO DDT!?]
Signal: “Cadillac with the EASTSIDE STORY - but the outlaw COUNTERS!”
[STUNNER, STUNNER, STUNNER!]
Black Scar: “DEADSHOT OUTTA NOWHERE, SIG!”
[Deadeye scrambles into the cover. The Ruleador leaps into action!]
[ONE!]
[…]
Signal: “It’s over! New Champion crowned!”
[TWO!!]
[…]
[……]
[ZIGGY SAVES IT!]
Black Scar: “The Gift of the Gods title might just be coming home to The Family yet!”
[An exhausted Robbins applauds Deadeye’s efforts, holding his thumb and index finger together to say, “this close!”.]
[He boots the six-shooter under the ropes, then rolls Cadillac into position.]
[After a moment of hesitation, Ziggy climbs the ropes…]
Black Scar: “I hope he lands on his freakin’ head!”
Signal: “But earlier, you said you’ve always liked Ziggy Robbins!”
Black Scar: “I never said that, Sig!”
[Robbins deliberates… Then leaps into THE GREATEST MOONSAULT EVER!]
Signal: “Ziggy just went FROM THE BOTTOM TO THE TOP!”
[BUT SILAS IS THERE TO CATCH HIM MID-AIR!]
Black Scar: “HOLY SH—!”
[FAAALCOOON AAARROOOWWW!]
Signal: “Those must be the most FAMOUS LAST WORDS ever spoken!”
[Silas immediately covers him.]
[ONE!]
[…]
Black Scar: “New Champ, it has to be!”
[TWO!!]
[…]
[NOX TURNS OUT THE LIGHTS ON HIS CHANCES!]
[Bellator puts the boots to Silas, then heaves him up and tosses him overboard.]
[He goes to pick up Robbins, only for Glitter to spin him round instead!]
[Glitter kicks him low, then hauls him up onto their shoulders—]
Signal: “They’re going for the GLITTER BOMB into the turnbuckle!”
Black Scar: “Glitter might just turn Nox back into Lux if they hit this!”
[Wait—NOX COUNTERS!]
[CANADIAN FREAKIN’ DESTROYEEERRR FROM GLITTER’S SHOULDERS!]
Crowd: “HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!”
Signal: “That was the Mother of all DISCIPLE BREAKERS!”
[Nox with the kneeling cover!]
[ONE!]
[…]
Signal: “Lord, have mercy, let this be it!”
[TWO!!]
[…]
[THREE!?]
[DARKNESS!]
[FREAKIN’!]
[FALLS!]
[Darkwish with a superkick to the kneeling Bellator!]
Black Scar: “I’m gonna need a freakin’ cigarette after callin’ this thing, Sig!”
[Darkwish is too exhausted to cover right away. All seven competitors lie strewn about the place - except Silas, that is.]
[The pained musician has retrieved his mystical, impervious, black guitar.]
Black Scar: “If he starts playin’, I’m outta here!”
[The colour drains from the proceedings as Silas enters the ring, inky black bile dripping from his axe.]
[Darkwish looks up.]
[Silas raises the guitar over his head.]
Signal: “Nothing matters, and soon, none of you will, either.”
[HE BRINGS IT DOWN—]
[DARKWISH DODGES IT!]
[THE GUITAR BOUNCES OFF THE TOP ROPE—]
[CRACK!]
Black Scar: “He almost decapitated himself!”
[—RICOCHETING INTO SILAS’S HEAD!]
[He stumbles back…]
[DARKWISH IS UP–]
[HOME RUN SUPERKICK!]
Signal: “DARKNESS FALLS over Silas - if that’s even possible!”
[ONE!]
[…]
[TWO!!]
[…]
[!?]
[THREEE!!!]
[WE HAVE OUR NEW GIFT OF THE GODS CHAMPION!]
Signal: “Darkwish has done it! Call it divine intervention, call it a miracle, call it what you want - he’s the Gift of the Gods Champion!”
[The Ruleadoor hands Darkwish the Championship as the crowd sound off with the most mixed of reactions. He holds the belt aloft, before deciding to make a hasty exit - paranoid, and not certain of himself!]
Signal: “Folks, what a night. We're just three weeks away from Ring King, where we'll see you LIVE for the biggest night of four people's careers. Santiago Del Toro, The Candyman, Warlord Mars and Rambro head to the Semi-Finals and the Finals in one night. Who'll be King? We'll see you there!”